sure. wait. what?

I haven’t seen a doctor about the odd sensation in my knees when I run, but I have done something more demented — I consulted Reddit. And today I learned that in order for me to run far, I need to run slow.

Fair enough.

As one Redditor put it, your body is only as good as its weakest link. And in my case — based on my completely unscientific, me-just-listening-to-my-body diagnosis — my knees are my weakest link.

When I started running again last month, I maxed out at 4.5 mph*. Slow for seasoned runners, but fast for someone who didn’t run at all in 2024. My lungs, ankles, and quads were all fine. My knees though? Not so much.

I skipped running last week because my knees just didn’t feel right. Not painful, just wrong. They felt tweaky, warm, and uncomfortable. I didn’t want to risk injury, so I focused on strength training instead, mostly lifting and barre.

Yesterday, after a week off, I ran for 40 minutes at 3 mph. This was talking pace for me, which means I could still hold a conversation without gasping for air. I felt great afterwards, but a small part of me was low-key frustrated, knowing that the rest of my body could go faster.

I actually ran a 5k two years ago, alternating between walking and running. I ran-slash-walk with my runner friend K. He coached me on breath control and stride, which explained how I got to 5k with barely any training. Now K is prepping for a half-marathon and aiming to beat his PR. Meanwhile, I am stuck figuring out how to build endurance for my knees.

But I am not in a rush (heh). All I really want right now is to run, and to run for a long time without my knees protesting.

Even on a treadmill, I love the feeling that running gives me. You know that moment when your body gets into rhythm and your effort melts into ease? Bliss! My thoughts untangle and my worries dissolve. It’s like I’m floating just above the floor, weightless and free, my world narrowing down to nothing but movement, breath, and the peaceful hum of being alive. I love it.

I wish I could sustain this desire to run. I tend to give up on hobbies as soon as I realize that the effort required to achieve excellence is way too much — but hopefully I don’t quit running, or my knees don’t quit on me.

For now, all I can do is to keep showing up, slow and steady until my knees start getting better. Maybe in a few months, I’ll look back at this and laugh at how cautious I was. Maybe I’ll be running outside, feeling the cold wind against my face instead of the literal room temperature air.

Maybe I’ll finally call myself a runner. I don’t know when yet, but fingers crossed I get there.

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*I’m in Canada but I’m using “mph” because my treadmill’s buttons are in freedom units.