On friendships and wavelengths

I just read the phrase “same wavelength” on Facebook — on a post about Atom Araullo’s supposed ideal girl — and a gust of nostalgia threw me off my otherwise mindless scrolling.

I last uttered those words back in high school, back when I wasn’t as discreet about my hipsterly arrogance. I’m still pretentious, keri, but I was a million times snootier as a b00bless teenager (still got no boobies, but let’s not talk teats tonight).

Everyone in my high school had a high-and-mighty attitude. Only in college would I realize that we knew jackshit, that we were actually the “the cream of the cream of the crap.” Suddenly I was surrounded by kids who were way better writers than I could ever be. And eventually I learned how to temper my distaste for people whose minds were out of phase with mine.

But humility and inclusivity considered, don’t we all naturally gravitate towards peeps whose tastes, principles, and moral codes generally overlap with ours?

And so I ponder upon the phrase “same wavelength.” The concept alone is divisive because it creates an us-versus-them distinction. And when we specifically look for people on the same wavelength, we also imply superiority over other groups whose mental frequencies we assume to be a few hertz too low.

But I think only the token altruists — the kids whose goal in life is to out-Mother-Teresa Mother Teresa — will never discriminate when making friends. Even Essie secretly scoffs at people she considers to be intellectual cardboards. Ray laughs at classmates she pejoratively calls “payak,” while Em hates everyone equally except close friends whom she only hates a little.

Nowadays I don’t have the luxury of choice when making new friends. I don’t see the point of looking for a “ka-wavelength” either. I understand it’s a natural tendency, but the explicit declaration of being selective, especially when hinged on university affiliation, strikes me as a little superficial. But I have nothing against the implied arrogance per se; it would be hypocritical for me to claim that I never dismiss other people’s opinions for reasons that are not always reasonable.

Still, I have my non-negotiables: passive-aggressiveness and a penchant for ad hominem arguments are huge red flags for me. I find these people difficult to deal with and, of course, they’re also not obligated to like me. At this point the only objective is to have as few no-no’s as possible and to try to be as open to befriending folks from any point in the visible spectrum.

And I’m sure peeps out there will read this post and roll their eyes at the word “hipsterly.” They will spot grammar mistakes and excesses in style and they will think, “hmp, nagmamarunong na naman ang bruha.” Pero meh, queber. I will continue to write shit that some repapips may disagree with and they will still be welcome to engage me in a discussion. Our crests and troughs may not always align in the same way but that’s okay. Because in the process, we make beats. #

The featured image was drawn here.

Sideshit: People be talkin’ about the fake news hearing with Mocha and lo and behold, the CA confirms ex-AFP chief Roy Cimatu as DENR secretary. The Chamber of Mines of the Philippines be partyin’ it up — IP’s better be ready to get displaced bruh.

Hay buhay malunggay (Bessie, 2017).


  1. Thea

    Patuloy ko pa ring winiwish na sana, maging ganyan ako kagaling hahaha.
    Somehow, lagi ako napapawow sa mga sinusulat mo, choices of words at ideas hayyyy ang galing.
    Wag kang magalit na wala akong masabi ah hahaha pero natuwa ako sa “out-mother-mother-teresa” ahhahahahhaha

    Liked by 4 people

  2. bessclef

    Kahit wala kang luxury of choice Jolens, you have the right to the degree of selectivity/non-selectivity you apply when it comes to people. No one can take that against you.

    Galing mo pa rin magsulat, baks. I like your choice of words and the way you stitch them together.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Victoria

    But you are an amazing writeeeer!!! The only eye-rolling that I did was when you mentioned that people will go out of their way to tell you (or at least think to themselves) that you’re nagmamarunong. 😦

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Carmina Mones

    Shet ngayon lang ulit ako nagbasa sa wp hahaha. Feeling ko maraming magigising na may notifs sila puro ako lang hahaha. Re wavelengths, guilty ako dyan. I rarely engage with people na mas bobo sa ‘kin. Always befriend people smarter than you (and kinder than me), lagi ko yan sinasabi sa sarili ko. Though these days, deal breaker ko talaga when you still support this government after ng lahat ng ‘to. Values na kasi yun. Unfriend/unfollow/block na sila sa ‘kin. Lakompake kahit sabihing nagpe-perpetuate ako ng divisiveness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jolens

      Ang ganda n’ung befriend people who are smarter and kinder than us. Oo nga, huhu. Alam mo plastik ako rito e, hindi ko rin kasi talaga kayang makipag-kaibigan sa mga medyo lurlur ang prinsipyo. Willing naman akong mag-engage at makipag-usap at magbukas ng isipan (naks), pero hindi ko talaga kayang maging friend ang mga katunggali ko talaga sa paniniwala hahahuhu.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Carmina Mones

    Yung smarter given na yun kasi iba rin pag natututo ka sa kahit anong topic. Hehe. Yung kinder para kasi talaga un madagdagan ako ng minemessage ng: patulan ko ba? Tas sasabihan ako ng: be the bigger person. Hahaha! Tsaka para regaluhan nila ko sa Pasko. Charot! Oo naman, we can only do so much to engage in a discussion pero pag pointless na, nako wala na yun. Habit ko na ngayon na pag nagshare share ng mga Mocha posts na agree inaunfriend ko or unfollow, depende sa level ng friendship. Safe space dapat ang social media ko. Lelz.


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