sure. wait. what?

THE FOLLOWING poems are all serious attempts at poetry. Unlike “I Missed Supper”, “You Alone”, and the other shitbits that I post on Twitter, these drafts were written to hopefully create something that would resemble even just a skeleton of a semi-decent piece.

All three are first drafts — I wrote them just moments ago — and I’m posting them here to gather feedback on how to write them better. Are they too corny? Which lines work and which lines don’t? Are the line breaks effective? Are there any grammar slips at all?

Don’t worry about offending me; criticisms are always welcome.

And for the homies who don’t give jack about poems, here’s a Paraluman portrait that I drew last week. Medyo duling pero kahawig naman ‘di ba? ‘Di ba? Fishing ako, haha.

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Two Spiders

Two spiders weave silk
A curtain to a window
Of a no-man’s home.
From opposite corners
they go clockwise
equidistant, in sync,
inching closer
and closer
in steady, itsy-bitsy pace.
The wind breathes —
they freeze
and they wait and they long
and they wait. Still, they stay,
An arm’s length                    arm’slength        armslength
away.

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Before dusk

Burning leaves shrivel
As smoke seeps through the ember
Resistance on fire

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Homesick

Current, you learned,
always seeks
the least resistant path.
You draw circuits
in search for missing i’s
and you realize
that much like current
you escape only
to find the way back.