sad sunday

Diary by J

TODAY I’M sad and I don’t know why.

I’m stuck at a problem at work. Last week I was given a huge data set to analyze but I couldn’t extract the metadata that I needed to crunch. The boss didn’t give me a deadline but still, I’m frustrated. Sometimes I think I’m too dumb for this job. Sometimes I also think that maybe I shouldn’t have abandoned writing as a career.

But why do I continue to write in English anyway? I clearly lack the skillz. A writing teacher once gave me a handbook on “How To Write Better English.” After that I started writing in Filipino. It’s been a while since I wrote something in Filipino. Why, self, why?

Maybe I’m just not meant to be great at anything. I was a mediocre writer and now I’m a fairly stupid engineer too. I don’t even have the marks to get me into grad school. Ay whatever. I probably won’t fit in the academe anyway.

And to further this pity party: a lot of shit happened at work last week (just like most weeks, but Last Week deserves its own trophy). The most memorable shithap was when one dude got mad at me for parking at an illegal spot (entirely my fault). I made a a semi-big mess because the bosses of the bosses got involved — yikes! I guess I’m a stupid driver too.

I really need to get a new job in the summer. I’ve only applied to two industry positions and I’m considering bugging the profs for a research job at the university. Should I? Should I not? It will look good on my CV and it might also increase my chances of getting into grad school. Research pays shit though, and I’m in need of funds. Hay, life.

But before I even dream about getting that PhD, I first have to finish a technical report due by the end of March. I was supposed to contact my sources last week but because of the shithaps at work (and because I’m a chronic procrastinator) I ended up watching a lot of football instead. Boy was it a good week to be a Barça fan. Now if only Barça trophies can write my report and get me a job, ‘no?

Whatever. I’m aware that I’m just being a lazy-ass reklamador at this point. This post is also so incoherent I should’ve just written it in bullets. But I promise I will get my shit together next week. Promise talaga! And if not, then whatever. Mamamatay din naman tayong lahat.

The featured image was roughly patterned after Sophie from Frances Ha.

20 Comments

    1. Jolens
      Reply

      so true, man. i should keep this in mind. easier said than done, but i will for sure try my hardest to just focus on moving forward. thanks, buddy. 😦

      Like

    1. Jolens
      Reply

      we do, don’t we? ang hirap ngang maging matanda. thanks for the kind words, man. if you ever go through a rough time, remember that you gave this advice to a complete internet stranger — we’ll keep going! 🙂

      Like

  4. carllbatnag
    Reply

    No. The post, though random, is coherent enough for me to understand what you are clamoring for. It’s just a bad day, not a bad life so perk up 🙂 You’re not a bad writer (in English). You’re actually excellent and I like hearing from you. So keep on writing! You’re doing well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jolens
      Reply

      “it’s just a bad day, not a bad life” — i really needed to hear this, carl. grabe huhu. you didn’t have to compliment my writing skillz naman, pero salamat a. salamat talaga huhuhu. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a reply to bessclef Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.