It’s just, uh, a little crush, crush

Yesterday I learned that our senior-year project won an award in an eye-triple-E contest. The award is nowhere near prestigious, but the fact that our hack of a project somehow earned us a small recognition is, well, nakakakilig.

And then I thought about the word kilig, how it’s been a while since I last used this word in its proper context. I don’t even remember the last time, to be honest. In the words of philosopher Joey Albert, “I remember the boy / but I don’t remember the feeling anymore.” Charet.

So anyway, I decided to answer these pabebe questions from Tumblr just to inject some kilig in my day. The world is crumbling and my life is slowly disintegrating along with it — I might as well distract myself by doing this, whatever this is.

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What attracts you to your crush?

For starters, I do find him attractive (naks). He’s also smart and he’s kind plus he’s interested in the same things I’m into so, ‘yun.

Ay, and he also plays the guitar! 🤘

Do they know you’re interested in them? If not, why haven’t you confessed?

He doesn’t know I’m interested and I haven’t confessed because, hmm, there’s nothing to confess naman. It’s just a little crush and I don’t really see us being in a relationship.

(Alexa, play “The Closer I Get To You” cover by Franco charot)

Are they shy or outgoing?

I think he’s both?

Do you have the same group of friends?

We don’t. None of my friends know him, and I don’t think any of his friends know (about) me either.

Does your crush have a nice smile?

Saktong cute lang. Hahaha.

Does your crush have any piercings?

Ay hindi ko lang alam mads. Baka meron sa hidden areas? Chour.

Are they kind to you?

Oo naman.

Are you close with their family?

Friends nga hindi ako kilala, family pa kaya?

Do you guys pretend to not like one another?

We’re too old for that haha.

Are you friends or acquaintances?

We’re friends. (Showbiz??)

Is your crush hefty or slim & trim?

Ang funny ng salitang hefty for some reason hahahaha. Anyway he’s pretty slim.

Is your crush stylish?

He’s not, and I prefer it that way kasi hindi rin naman ako stylish e. Magmumukha lang akong aliping saguiguilid kung stylish ‘yung kasama ko.

When was the last time you laid your eyes upon their beauty?

The world is in quarantine, manay.

What’s their hair color?

Black.

Do you have their cellular phone digits?

I do not.

Could you see yourself falling in love with this crush?

Nah.

Can they speak more than one language?

Yep.

Does your crush have big feet, like over size 11?

Hahahahahahaha!

Do they have an accent?

Everyone does?

When did you meet?

I don’t remember.

Are they currently in a relationship?

I don’t think so, but if he is then I’m happy for him.

What’s their ethnicity?

Same as moi.

How many siblings do they have?

Hmm, good question. I know of at least two, but I’m not sure if there’s more.

Do they live close to you?

Nope.

Have you ever been to their house? How about their bedroom?

Intrigera! Hahahahaha.

Do you even vaguely believe your crush is interested in you?

I doubt it. Batay sa mga nalalaman ko at sa mga kuwento niya, hindi talaga ako ‘yung tipo niyang babae.

If given the chance, would you have sex with them?

GUAAAAAARD!

Have you ever seen them naked? Do you wanna?

GUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!

Would you take a bullet for your crush?

Hindi, pero malulungkot ako kapag namatay siya, gan’on.

Would you buy a $100 gift for your crush?

In this economy?? No can do, manay.

Would you donate a kidney to your crush if they desperately needed it?

I don’t think he would even ask me to do it to begin with.

Does your crush have long hair?

After being in quarantine for how many months now? Maybe.

Do you think you’ll lose contact with your crush within 5 years?

Most likely, yeah.

Have you ever seen them unexpectedly and it got awkward?

I think this applies more to exes than to crushes?

Is your crush gay/straight/bisexual/transgender?  

I think he’s straight, but he could be gay or bi or trans, who knows?

Is your crush a virgin?

Nosy bitch. Charot. Tingin ko hindi na, pero malay ko naman sa kanya.

Do they have any pets?

Not that I know of.

Do they have a job?

Yeah he does.

Do you know if they have an STD or not?

Dios mio patawarin.

Do they have pretty eyes?

Sakto lang.

What kind of music are they into?

‘Yung medyo maingay na medyo hindi maingay. Lelz.

Their fave color?

Pula? Charot, malay ko d’un.

What’s their religion?

Katoliko, malamang.

Does your crush have a lisp?

He does not.

Do you go to the same school?

I’m done with school, manay. Hehehe.

Are you friends on Facebook?

We’re not, but I’m not active on Facebook.

How long have you known them?

A couple years, maybe?

What sport are they good at?

None? Charot. I don’t think he’s the sporty kind e.

Is your crush extremely confident?

Maybe not extremely?

What’s ultimately stopping you from making them yours?

Nakakatamad e. Hahahahahaha.