MY DAY was going relatively well until I received a message from A. “Hey Jols, how’s it going?” she asked. “Did you start working yet or did you decide to go to grad school?”
I swiped the notification away; I didn’t want to tell her that, four months after graduation, I ended up doing neither.
I am still unemployed and, instead of going to grad school, I am currently taking a quick construction course online. I rarely do anything of note — days and weeks go by and I just eat, I do chores, I watch Netflix and sports. At night, I pop a pill to help me sleep. If I stay up too late my chest starts to hurt, then my temples and my limbs and the rest of my body also start to hurt. It hurts to wake up sometimes.
So, how’s my life going? It isn’t going great, man, that’s for sure.
I Am Learning To Abandon the World Linda Pastan I am learning to abandon the world before it can abandon me. Already I have given up the moon and snow, closing my shades against the claims of white. And the world has taken my father, my friends. I have given up melodic lines of hills, moving to a flat, tuneless landscape. And every night I give my body up limb by limb, working upwards across bone, towards the heart. But morning comes with small reprieves of coffee and birdsong. A tree outside the window which was simply shadow moments ago takes back its branches twig by leafy twig. And as I take my body back the sun lays its warm muzzle on my lap as if to make amends.
I lifted the poem from Poetry Foundation. It was originally published in Linda Pastan’s PM/AM: New and Selected Poems (1982).
The featured image is a photo of the new batch of cheesecakes I baked today. At least I can still make cheesecakes.
sure. wait. what? 
I like the poem. Pero penge muna cheesecake. 😁😅😄😂
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Kung magkapitbahay lang tayo Gerrygurl, padadalhan talaga kita ng cheesecake! 😁
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I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. Know that you’re not alone, it’s a crazy job market out there. I have been trying to find a job too, and I know how pervasive that feeling of utter uselessness is. It seeps into everything and some days it’s just impossible to shake off. But ‘a feeling’ doesn’t define our worth as human beings. Here’s to better days!
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Thank you, Gabriela. Let’s hope things pick up sooner than later. 😦
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Take it easy…mahirap talaga during this time of pandemic.
Ganda nung “…closing my shades
against the claims of white.
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Saya magbasa ng tula kapag malungkot, ‘no? Choz. Not choz? Choz. 😦 🙂 😦
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Ang ganda ng poem. “Small reprieves of coffee and birdsong”… and cheesecake cups. (Akala ko puto nung una. Hehe) Hugs, Jolens.
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Mukha nga siyang puto! Lalo na n’ung kakalabas pa lang sa oven, hehe. 😂
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