sure. wait. what?

1.

I am writing this while waiting at the auto service shop. I finally get to have my car checked after so long.

I also still don’t have a laptop so I am writing this on my phone.

2.

I’m debating on whether I should spend NYE with my family at home or alone back in my apartment. My family’s not big on celebrations, so I’m sure I will just welcome the new year in bed doomscrolling on my phone if I choose to stay home.

If I go back to my place, I will at least have a working laptop with me. I can game and finally play Portal. I can also draw and work on some portraits. Hmm.

3.

I have never spent so much time on social media until this holiday break. I opened Facebook again, mostly to stalk The Guy, and I started messaging people on Insta. There’s only so much I can do on my phone, man. Whew!

I don’t know why but I was never really an active poster on any social media platform after the Friendster-Multiply era. It takes guts to overshare online. The gall to post thoughts and stories on the daily seems to come naturally to some people, but definitely not to me.

There just isn’t a desire to share anything, especially to people I know IRL. Maybe it has to do with a lowkey fear of being judged? No lie, I do get anxious at the thought of people talking about me behind my back.

4.

I took a break from typing on here and went on Twitter — The Guy has a new post. “I am a [city] man now,” says the caption of a photo overlooking a cityscape.

Maybe he really moved for good. And if he indeed comes back on the 7th, maybe it’s just to grab more of his stuff? Idk. Who knows.

I hate how much this bothers me, man. My limbs feel weak, and my chest feels like it’s carrying an entire mountain.

But maybe this is all for the better. Maybe this means he will not bother me again. Maybe it’s the best thing to ever happen to me in this last stretch of 2022. Maybe it means I get to move on next year, pick myself up and be ready for someone new.

5.

I still haven’t decided on whether I would stay home for the new year or not. I don’t want to cry at home, that’s for sure.