thoughts while waiting at the car service shop

1.

I am writing this while waiting at the auto service shop. I finally get to have my car checked after so long.

I also still don’t have a laptop so I am writing this on my phone.

2.

I’m debating on whether I should spend NYE with my family at home or alone back in my apartment. My family’s not big on celebrations, so I’m sure I will just welcome the new year in bed doomscrolling on my phone if I choose to stay home.

If I go back to my place, I will at least have a working laptop with me. I can game and finally play Portal. I can also draw and work on some portraits. Hmm.

3.

I have never spent so much time on social media until this holiday break. I opened Facebook again, mostly to stalk The Guy, and I started messaging people on Insta. There’s only so much I can do on my phone, man. Whew!

I don’t know why but I was never really an active poster on any social media platform after the Friendster-Multiply era. It takes guts to overshare online. The gall to post thoughts and stories on the daily seems to come naturally to some people, but definitely not to me.

There just isn’t a desire to share anything, especially to people I know IRL. Maybe it has to do with a lowkey fear of being judged? No lie, I do get anxious at the thought of people talking about me behind my back.

4.

I took a break from typing on here and went on Twitter — The Guy has a new post. “I am a [city] man now,” says the caption of a photo overlooking a cityscape.

Maybe he really moved for good. And if he indeed comes back on the 7th, maybe it’s just to grab more of his stuff? Idk. Who knows.

I hate how much this bothers me, man. My limbs feel weak, and my chest feels like it’s carrying an entire mountain.

But maybe this is all for the better. Maybe this means he will not bother me again. Maybe it’s the best thing to ever happen to me in this last stretch of 2022. Maybe it means I get to move on next year, pick myself up and be ready for someone new.

5.

I still haven’t decided on whether I would stay home for the new year or not. I don’t want to cry at home, that’s for sure.

7 Comments

  1. heyjudy

    I vote for NYE with parents. Kahit they are not big on celebrations, would be good to have company (uhm, more chances for distraction din siguro). Maybe less gadget/socmed will help din so you don’t feel the urge to stalk the guy. -.- And lastly, siguro try to be the one to draw the line and regain control of the situation, and your feelings. Sounds gasgas pero i think it starts with self-worth (that u downplayed in your prev posts).
    Happy New Year to you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jolens

      Judyyyy! How do I draw the line and regain control? How do I rebuild my self-worth? Wuw, ginawa kang therapist? Aaaaaaah.

      Happy new year din sa iyo!!! Thank you for indulging me in this kagagahan char not char hahahuhuhuhuhu

      Like

      1. heyjudy

        Ahaha hindi rin ako expert, pero if you already know hindi kayo same page, let go na talaga? Syempre easier said than done lalo na at na-idealize mo na sya, pero space siguro talaga ang kailangan (hindi yung literal kasi aalis naman ata sya). Naalala ko tuloy, hahaha as a jologs na millenial, yung series na Tales from the Friend Zone. Sa self-worth naman, siguro ang key lang is to stop expecting anything from the wrong person? Or malay naman natin hindi sya wrong*, giving it space (deadmahin mo na for real!) might help you invest in and appreciate yourself more tapos baka mauntog din sya eventually haha (*ayaw kita paasahin pero mahirap paladesisyon kasi story mo to eh haha). Not sure kung nakatulong or nalito ka lang, pero good luck! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Jolens

          Salamat Judyyyy!!! ❤ * finger hearts* haha

          Tama ka, kailangan ko nga ng space para mas ma-appreciate ko ang sarili ko. Huhuhuhu.

          Salamat ulit at happy, happy new year sa iyoooo! ❤ 🙂 😀

          Like

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