ill

1.

I ate nothing but instant ramen and leftover bistek the past seven days. I also drank lots of fruit juice and sparkling water because plain water tastes like blegh when you’re sick.

It sucks being sick, man. And being sick when you’re alone? Even worse.

Being sick when you live by yourself feels like looking at a giant, offensively bright neon sign reminding you that you have absolutely no one to rely on but yourself. Love is watching someone die, so who’s gonna watch you die?, asks Ben Gibbard through the speakers.

No one, Ben. I am alone and I am lonely. No one’s going to watch me die.

2.

I started watching Grey’s Anatomy again. It’s one of my comfort shows at this point.

I first watched Grey’s when I was in my early teens. Back then, it was just a good, intriguing medical drama with funny and flawed characters that you love to hate or hate to love, depending on the episode. Watching it now, I realize that I’m about the same age as the characters. I am low-key one of them. I wish I had a gang though, or at least a person.

I had to fill in an emergency contact form today for work and I wrote my mom as my person. She is my person, but what happens when, y’know — who’s going to be my new person?

If you’re reading this and you have found your person: lucky you, man. Not everybody gets to be as lucky as you.

3.

I feel a lot better today. The throat is still a bit sore and the nose still leaks goo every now and then, but the head no longer feels like it’s going to implode and combust at the slightest hint of movement. I’m okay. I’m not dying. Fingers crossed.

I even cooked pesto pasta earlier, and I made enough to last me ’til tomorrow. I also threw out the trash — okay, seriously, throwing out the trash is one of my most hated house chores. Seriously. Ugh.

Anyways, I threw out the trash and vacuumed the floors and washed the dishes. I also finished a major task at work, but there’s still two things on my to-do list that I promised to finish today but didn’t. It was a semi-productive day, I guess.

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Featured photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko