may 2026

The existential dread continues.

Call it midlife crisis, I dunno, but over the past couple of months I’ve wasted a lot of time picking through the bones of my past, wondering how my life might have turned out if I’d chosen this instead of that, or if I’d done more of this and less of that.

May, specifically, witnessed copious amounts of moping.

Sadness wrapped its arms and legs around my torso and weighed me down wherever I went – in the office while I worked, in the kitchen while I made dinner, everywhere.

It was the kind of sadness that insisted on its presence without explanation.

Thankfully this isn’t my first bout with untraceable, unrootable sadness. I’ve been alive long enough to know that sadness is simply part of the deal. To be sad is to be reminded that you are breathing, that you have a pulse, that you are capable of feeling.

Now if only I could fast-forward to the part when the sober clarity has kicked in and I am back to regular programming.

TLDR: I was sad in May. But it’s okay. It happens.

This, too, shall pass.

Glimmers of joy came in small forms, like these lilac flowers blooming in the backyard and filling the spring air with their sweet fragrance.

Money

Tier	Target (% of salary)	Invested (% of salary)
Tier A	30	–
Tier B	20	–
Tier C	10	3.5

It’s already mid-year, but I’m not even halfway through the lowest tier of my target. Oh well.

Fitness

Behold, my most active month to date:

Exercise Days	25
Walk	9
Walk + Climb	1
Bike	2
Run	1
Lift + Run	1
Lift	11

I’ve had these climbing shoes for five years now. I don’t climb as often anymore, so I think these will last me another year or two.

Social

Highlights include going to a food festival, seeing the mountains, and bouldering – all done with friends, of course.

I was more social in May for the same reasons I was more active: good weather + unbearable sadness.

I’m not the type to share my woes with friends though, or with anyone, really. I’m a keep-to-myself kind of gal. I know this isn’t always healthy, but that is how I operate.

I just prefer processing things on my own. My friends are also going through their own shit, so I’d rather not pile more shit on top of their shit (even if I know they won’t mind).

Hobbies

Banal Nightmare by Halle Butler was my favorite read so far this year. It found me at the perfect time, and I wholeheartedly agree with the critics who call it the millennial midlife crisis novel. It is, it really is.

Other than reading, there’s – ya know what, I will write about them another time. I’m just not in the mood to type right now.